I never thought I’d talk about my experiences with #rejection, in which I’ve had A LOT. This post is about professional rejection, but it seems to have been a theme (among others) throughout other areas of my life. I’ve read that when certain situations repeatedly play out differently throughout periods of your life, there’s a lesson to be learned.
I’m a great teacher; no one can tell me differently, especially because colleagues, administrators, students, and parents have told me so! #toottoot (That’s me tooting my own horn! LOL!) I wouldn’t have said that out loud a year ago, but it is what it is. If I don’t tell you, no one else may get the chance to let you know. While I love teaching English, I love my kids (my students), even more! I look forward to seeing them when we return from Winter Break 2023 on Wednesday (January 2024).
I started teaching English Language Arts to 7th-graders in 2001, fresh out of Ohio University in Athens, Ohio. At the time of my legitimate employment, I hadn’t passed the #PraxisII, which was the exam to obtain my #teachinglicense in Ohio. I was employed in August of 2001 and had retaken the Content Learning portion of the exam (for the SIXTH time) in February or March of 2002. At that time, my job was posted and assigned to a new English teacher. The day that she was notified of (or accepted) receiving my position , I received my test scores, showing that I’d “PASSED”. However, it was too late; the new teacher had already accepted my job. I was #heartbroken. I had to leave my position at my first school, where my mom and her friends were teachers and where I’d already acquired so many new relationships with students and adults.
From there, I was a substitute teacher for the first half of the 2002-2003 school year. It was cool because I could work if I wanted to work, but it wasn’t cool because I could work if I wanted to work. I was like 23ish years old, so I still had those short-sighted moments of irresponsibility. I had already moved out of my parents’ house during my first year of teaching, so I couldn’t be too irresponsible.
In January of 2003, I received a phone call from a man by the name of Mr. Oldham, offering me a job to work with a program in the district, in which I was substitute teaching, entitled the Y.E.A. (Youth Experiencing Achievement) Program. It was presented as an English teaching position, in which I’d be teaching 8th-graders, who were older than their peers. In the beginning, school would begin at 10:00-ish and go until 6:00-ish. Those hours were perfect for me. Scheduled into their school day were opportunities to explore programs in the district’s four career centers. Those programs included welding, landscaping, fashion design, culinary arts, computer graphics, etc. It was a great idea and experience! (I’m still in touch with some of them to this day.)
In the spring of 2004, I learned of an English teaching job within the same district at the school where I currently teach. The principal, at the time, was my favorite principal from my high school years at #NorthlandHighSchool, Mr. Brian Terrell. He’s one of the reasons why I got my #MastersDegree in #EducationAdministration. While taking classes to receive my Master’s Degree in Education Administration, which I did in the spring of 2006, I applied to be in the Principal Trainee program as a Leadership Intern in my school district, which is a requirement in order to be promoted to a principal position in our district. I didn’t get into the program, despite glowing recommendations from current and former administrators. I was only 26, so I blew it off and went on about my life.
In January of 2008, I became the #DeanofStudents under Mr. Terrell. I won’t say much about my time as the Dean of Students, but you can ask anybody who was there about me … LOL! While I was the Dean of Students, Mr. Terrell retired, and Pamela Backus-Diggs, my MOST FAVORITE TEACHER EVER from when I was in high school, took his place as the head principal! She was amazing, and I’m not just saying it because she was my favorite. Pretty much all of the students and families loved her, although there were a disgruntled few. (I’ve learned that you’ll never be able to please everybody.) It’s crazy how people can clearly see what someone else may have done wrong but can’t see where they were in error. Don’t be that guy, gal, or parent.
As the Dean of Students, I was in charge of the senior class activities, the credit recovery program, assisting with discipline, and any other thing that needed to be done. I wore a lot of hats, but I didn’t mind. Everybody worked as a team, from the Mrs. Dent and the other custodians to Mrs. Diggs and the other administrators. Mrs. Diggs personally arranged packages and resources for students during winter, spring, and summer breaks. She invited the community into the school to assist with students, cultural events, etc. She took the students (and chaperones) on out-of-state, overnight college visits. She attended out-of-state professional development conferences with her staff and interacted with us outside of those professional development sessions. She gave life advice and experiences to her students and staff. She was everything! She’ll always be my mentor, friend and favorite teacher.
I was the Dean of Students under Mrs. Diggs until 2010 or 2011. At the end of that contract, I had to make a decision: 1) to apply to the leadership program (again) or 2) to go back to the classroom. I went back to the classroom, although some people tried to block my getting back into the classroom at the current school, where I still am. Then in 2012-2013, the data scrubbing scandal started in our school district, and everything went crazy.
Mrs. Diggs and three other administrators were terminated. I was devastated. We were all devastated; the system was broken. I’m not even going to go all into it. When she was terminated (pending legal matters) in the early part of 2014, I applied for the Leadership Trainee program again and was rejected again. With glowing recommendations and experience from being an English teacher to the Dean of Students, from the credit recovery advisor to the summer school coordinator, I was rejected again. Not only was my rock, Mrs. Diggs, gone, but I was blocked from a position that we all knew I would’ve rocked! I didn’t understand. I cried. I talked to current and former administrators in the district about why I may not have been accepted. I even contacted one of the women on the interview committee. She responded … I saved her message for years, but I don’t remember what she said anymore. LOL! That was about ten years ago. (Time and loss of memory may really heal all wounds.)
About a month later, I found out that I was pregnant with my second child, my daughter, Khari. When I tell this part, everyone is always like, “Ah, … that’s why you didn’t get into the program.” Yeah … maybe … probably. However, a year and a half after I had her, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
I never stopped wanting to teach; I love my babies! I just knew that I’d be beneficial on a larger scale (building-wide). Oh, my bleeding heart … always wanting to do good for the greater cause. Eventually, while being in the classroom again, I really, really realized that the classroom was where I needed to be. I had more control over what was going on.
Principals have a hard job - handsdown! They have to manage adults (staff) and children, while fulfilling their other job responsibilities and appeasing their bosses, the community, and the school board, all at the same time. In many inner city schools, discipline of students plays a huge role! I saw that during my time as the Dean of Students. Of course, the staff is assumed to be “right” in their interactions with students, but sometimes, they’re not. Of course parents support the other adults involved in overseeing their children, but sometimes, they don’t. Of course, all stakeholders should have the same vision, sympathy, and understanding of the end goal, but, they don’t. Principal-ing is stressful. I care a lot, and I work hard. I carry a lot on my back, especially where my job is concerned, as my son says. I could totally see being a principal taking its toll on my personal life and peace of mind, which I value dearly.
Speaking to peace of mind, while being the senior class and drill team advisors, I started to develop these feelings of anxiety. This started back in 2007-ish. I’d never felt it before and didn’t know what to do with it except pray. For example, the night before the senior cookouts at Blacklick Park, I would worry so much the night before. Even while ordering uniforms for the drill team, there would be days that I couldn’t concentrate and nights that I couldn’t sleep because I’d be worrying about the uniforms coming on time, fitting, etc. For some reason, these things would really be bothering me. While I handle many things with excellence, my mentality isn’t always the best while executing them. I don’t like the feeling. Even with confrontation (be it professional or personal), I don’t like it. I handle it well, but I don’t like it at all. Overseeing, managing, executing, and confronting are huge aspects of being a principal; that’s why I have so much respect for the position.
I’d be lying if I said that the rejection from the Leadership Trainee program wasn’t a blow to my ego. My feelings were hurt. I was seeing my peers being promoted, but I was still in the classroom. I had principal friends and other colleagues trying to reassure me that I’d dodged a bullet by not being accepted into the program, but I didn’t see it. All I saw was that I was rejected again and with no clear reason or understanding. I was a little #bitter about it, too. I can’t stress it enough that I never disliked the classroom; I wasn’t tired of it. I’m still not tired of the classroom. I just know that I have other skill sets to offer beyond what I am doing. I wanted to grow. I needed to grow.
While needing to grow, I was diagnosed with #breastcancer in June of 2016 at 37 years of age, so being rejected from the leadership program didn’t matter anymore AT ALL; I needed to live for my kids, my family and myself. So much changed … my perspective changed. My students and colleagues treated me so well during my illness. It wasn’t even colleagues at my school, but colleagues from other schools loved on me, too. They made being sick much easier.
Through #chemotherapy, #radiation, #mastectomies, an #infection, #reconstruction, and a collapsed lung, I chose to be finished with surgeries by 2018. I just wanted to live a regular life without a thousand doctor appointments. Professionally, everything was fine. Classroom management, student engagement, parent communication, and standard-driven lessons were all on point. I was made for teaching, or it was made for me.
My being an administrator came up in conversations and evaluations with peers and administrators again, but I knew I didn’t want to do it. I had already realized that I never wanted to be a principal. People telling me that I’d make a good principal was (and is) a stroke to my ego; I like it. Consequently, I had allowed those compliments to gas me up in the past and push me toward goals that were never mine.
#Covid hit in the spring of 2020 and totally changed the structure of #education. Everything was online; it was a great challenge, though! The following school year (2020-2021), I was teaching Speech to juniors and seniors, English to seniors, and Kindergarten to my daughter. Being away from the kids was hard, but staying home wasn’t bad either. When we went back to school, it took some adjusting for the students because they had technically been out of normal in-person school for about a year or so. Students throughout the country were even further behind.
I really enjoy #teaching, #reading, #writing, #editing, and #proofreading. However, by the 2022-2023 school year, teaching reading and writing wasn’t as enjoyable as it once was due to changes that were being implemented (and proposed to be implemented) in order to improve the students’ state test scores. One of the changes would be that I would have to switch the grade level that I was teaching due to circumstances beyond my control and outside of my classroom. I recognize that the proposed changes were in no way meant to be a punishment to me, and “if anything it’s a compliment”. (Thanks, but no thanks! LOL!) I was mad. I felt helpless, although the changes weren’t set in stone, yet. I started packing up my classroom in preparation for my departure. I can admit that I was throwing a temper-tantrum.
I knew that I needed to create and build some options for myself because I was starting to feel helpless and stuck. A few months prior to the announcement of the possible changes and the definite teaching changes at work, my cousin, #Gloria, had a #VisionPlanning workshop online in January of 2023, and I attended. Listening to the other #purposedriven women discuss their previous #goals that they’d shared in January of 2022 and where they were a year later in January 2023 was inspiring. That day, I learned about #Canva and created my first #visionboard. I set a goal to become a #Notary and to start my own #editing business. In April of 2023, I started my editing business, #KNotEDbyKimani, and became a Notary. Here's my 2023 vision board.
Riding on that cloud of passing the Notary exam and starting KNotED by Kimani, I applied for a job as an instructional coach to help other teachers (#feelingmyself), but I didn’t get it. I was “salty” (disappointed), but the rejection didn’t sting as badly as it had in the past. Maybe, it was because I had a new focus. Maybe, it was because I had already learned and accepted that if I don’t get something, it’s probably not for me at that time; I’m grateful for the wall of protection from some mess that I can’t see yet. In case you’re wondering, the possible wall of protection in the physical was me missing my appointment time for the interview. I thought that I read “5:00”, but it was actually at “3:00”. The interview committee was very merciful and allowed me to interview at 4:00, while smiling the whole time. They were probably thinking: “Look at her, coming in here late, thinking somebody gon’ hire her!” LOL! I don’t know. I’m just saying. Being late is a big no-no in my book, so … yeah, I get it.
Now let me add that I’m not so totally self-righteous as not to think that there may be other circumstances as to why I’ve been rejected from positions for which I’ve interviewed. It is very likely that maybe I’m a crappy #interviewee. LOL! Maybe, I need to take some lessons on how-to-interview; maybe, I will. Look at that #accountability!
The following school year is now, and I found myself unpacking boxes in August of 2023 in my same classroom from the previous year, teaching the same grade level as the year before (in addition to another grade level, which was totally fine with me since I was no longer teaching #SpeechCommunications)! I laughed at myself because I did all of that, and not much ended up changing anyway. I said that I should write a book, entitled Unpacking the Tantrum: Lessons Learned …. (The subtitle is incomplete.) In addition to that minor change, I found balance between embracing the curriculum changes and continuing to do what I know works in my classroom with my kids. #Igotthis
In March of 2023 when my principal approached me about the possible changes (before I applied for the last job that I didn’t get), she said, “Mrs. Haley, you really can do anything; you’re a Jack-of-all-trades.” That resonated with me, loudly. I’ve received so many compliments in the past, but at that moment, that comment spoke to my spirit. In my head, I said, “You right!” From that day, I went ahead full-steam.
One day at work, I had a quick and necessary chit-chat with one of my colleagues, #Melanie, who was divinely placed in my classroom that day. (She doesn’t work in my building anymore, but we’re in the same district and still keep in touch.) I let her know what was going on professionally and entrepreneurially, and she introduced me to #DrJanellJones, who became my #businesscoach. Let me tell you that Janell has been invaluable to me!
Being rejected has allowed me the clarity, space, and time to create KNotED by Kimani, while still doing what I love in the classroom with whom I love, my kids! I am still learning best practices to apply in the classroom that can definitely be transferred and used in my editing and writing business, and I am learning new skills in my business that I can apply to my lessons in the classroom. It all makes sense; I’m at peace. #itfinallyfeelsright #fornow #Icandoanything
You were very honest and transparent in your post. You're an outstanding teacher, and I do not doubt that you would have excelled as an administrator. The district was stupid not to hire you as an administrator. We've made a lot of memories together over the years, and I cherish our friendship. You've learned that life has its ups and downs and that sometimes things happen for a reason. I am thankful that I no longer work for CCS. I enjoy being a grandmother and have a life I did not have before. You're fortunate to have so much support and love from those around you. You're a survivor, and I admire your strength and resilience. Nikki Giovanni states, "O…