When you really realize your worth, it really is a great feeling! I don’t even know if “great” is the right word to use. You see, it’s one thing to be skilled in whatever you do, but it’s another to be confident about your skills. I always knew that I was a natural at establishing and maintaining relationships with my students, stakeholders, etc. I always knew that I was a “grammar guru” and an all-around good writer. I knew that I had great classroom and people management skills. I knew I was an organizer and a leader.
My problem was that although I knew I could do it, I wanted everyone else to know that I could do whatever the “it” was at the time. The problem with wanting others to see and acknowledge you and what you bring to the table is that their decision to recognize you is their choice. I had to realize that the acknowledgment (or lack thereof) from other people, particularly within my profession and areas of talent, didn’t mean that my skills were bad (or good). So many other factors come into play in certain circumstances, professions, etc., regarding acknowledgments, promotions, awards, etc.
I had to be real with myself and admit that maybe my skills and contributions weren’t recognized because I simply might not have been that good or competent at what I was doing. I also knew that politics and nepotism are definite factors that can disrupt anyone’s elevation or recognition, also known as “blocking my shine”. Then, of course, personal feelings, such as dislike or envy, could be blockers, too. It’s just tew much!!! I can’t control any of this.
We can’t control how anyone perceives or treats us, just as no one can really control how we perceive or treat them. I firmly believe that I can only give my energy to that which I can control. I can control being a great teacher, leader, writer, mother, or whatever for me (and my family, my students, and my clients, of course). I don’t need the awards, compliments, “promotions”, editorials, or any of that. I need to be happy and do what I love to do in the way that I know is best.
I remember wanting to be recognized as the best at everything, from work to church to the community. Don’t get me wrong; being teacher/employee of the month and/or the year feels great. It’s not only a compliment but also flattering to know that students, staff, and administration choose you. However, there’s a thin line between being flattered and having your ego stroked; be careful. Be careful not to lose sight of “your why”, not the why they ask you about in staff meetings, but “the why” outside of your job — the bigger picture “why”. Be careful not to let your motivation be extrinsic rewards and validation. What is your thing — your skill, talent, or strength? What is it?
If you know you’re good at it, give yourself the doggone credit and quit minimizing what you can do. Even if what you do well is what hundreds of thousands of other people do, too, they’re not you. We’re all unique, especially when it comes down to doing what we love to do. I don’t care if it’s teaching, leading, singing, rapping, drawing, dancing, twerking, gardening, nursing, healing, nurturing, braiding, crafting, writing, listening, crocheting, fashion designing, cooking, cleaning, servicing customers, exercising, selling, speaking, editing, coaching, preaching, manicuring, massaging, applying make-up, building, creating, or whatever.
What do you do? What can you do? What do you want to be able to do? Every one of those questions asks about you. Forget those other people; they’re outside influences who really don’t matter unless you’re looking for an extrinsic reward. Being the best (or among the best) at what you do is the real reward. Look at your work and appreciate what you’re doing. Look at the fruits of your labor. Keep getting better, whether you get a mentor/coach or take a class (and there are free classes out there). If you’re not proud of what you’re doing (and I don’t just mean at your job), do something different.
I’ve “enrolled” in “YouTube University” and have honed my skills in make-up, gardening, Canva, cooking, knotless braids, and other DIY hairstyles for me and my daughter. On TikTok, I’m following other teachers, copyeditors, authors, and gardeners. (Admittedly, I am following other content creators who have nothing to do with those in the preceding sentence.) I actually have a few different accounts that focus on my different niches: teaching English, writing, and gardening. Expand your network of resources and people. There are so many places to learn and people to learn from. Stop trying to focus on the people you’re already in front of. If they were going to support you, they already have supported and/or are already supporting you. You’ll be surprised at how many strangers support you if you put yourself out there.
My confidence (and maybe Instagram, too) told me:
Don’t let people play in your face. Walk away; don’t play.
(... Oh, but if you play, you betta’ win! LOL! J/K)
Don’t take the responsibility without the authority.
Encourage yourself.
(INSERT MY SONG: “Pretty Girls Walk” - LOL!)
Grow big. Don’t limit yourself by expecting your circle to be your customer base; they’re not your target audience.
(This isn’t a dig at my circle because they have supported me 100%. I just hear a lot of complaining about this.)
Have your “no” ready.
(If you change your mind, it’s easier to turn a “no” into a “yes” than it is to turn a “yes” into a “no”.)
If they block you from their table, create your own.
(If that doesn’t make you feel better, flip their table over. - J/K again!)
If you build it, they will come.
You really are “dope”!
The next time you feel the need to get that “pat on the back”, that award, that acknowledgment, or whatever that “up” is, STOP IT. The work and energy you put out will speak for itself, and when it does, let it speak to you. When it comes to your skills, talents, and anything you bring to the table, it’s nobody’s job but yours to nurture it because it’s your baby (if you’re serious about it); they’re your skills, strengths, and your areas of expertise.
As I reflect on the importance of knowing and acknowledging my worth, I will continue to recognize and assert my value. Whether you’re negotiating a raise, looking for a new job or side hustle, or simply acknowledging your accomplishments, understanding your worth is soooo important for your personal and professional growth. I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this topic. Have you ever faced challenges in recognizing your worth? How did you overcome them? Please share your stories and insights in the comments below, and let's continue this important conversation together.
Love,
Kimani
CEO of kNotED by Kimani - Editing, Proofreading & Writing Services
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